Friday, March 16, 2012


dear mr. smerconish-
 i forgive you for losing my invite to the party.
old people do that shit all the time; don't you give it a second thought.
so, i am having my own party and reliving my fave smerc moments.

the 2008 baldy awards- first, the 2008 left me to think there would surely be a 2009.
ok, 2010
(more crickets)
by 2011, i felt pretty comfortable assuming there would only be a 2008, and i suggest you should have called it, 'the one-and-only baldy award awards show'.
i still have my original moleskine, and the notes i jotted that day. i am actually getting it now.....
uh, ok...this is a little embarrassing, but it was 2008 - and what i once thought was some pretty hot-shit stuff, was utter drivel. seriously.
"omg! michaelsmerconish is singing OLD MAN!" (underlined OLD MAN two times)
doesn't do 50 as well
"live!" just, duh.
"what a freaking moment, wow."
don't judge, i was still in my 40's back then.

later that year, i followed a caravan of buses to schwenksville, pa. i drove in my jeep because like yourself, i enjoy a good smoke, especially in a car with the best ipod on earth. tom ridge was there, and i noticed the size of his head would rival newt's noggin.
it was a gut-wrenching experience, and i have nothing else to say about that.

the zaslow interview- i was introduced to the most amazing human being who set me some kind of straight. if i can be one-quarter as brave, i will be blessed.
and now zaslow has gone and passed, too. i was working when i heard that zaslow himself had just passed away, and there on full display at my bookstore, was his latest literary offering.
i cried for a  little while in a stall as quietly as possible in a very acoustically-public bathroom.

instinct book tour- i drove from delaware to a montgomeryville, pa. bookstore for the meet and greet.
this is the one
you brought your kid.
in my hot hand, was NOT a copy of your latest book.
my hot hand held the latest issue of......
wait for it
wait for it
Philadelphia magazine.
i'm rather contrarian, and if everyone else in line is getting a book autographed, i'm getting the butt signed.
but you brought your kid.
i kept backing myself out of line every time the boy started buzzing around the table so as not to bear witness while his father signed his splayed, naked ass for an obviously crazy woman.
and some woman kept demanding in come forward. she kept waving at me as if she were going to take flight any second.
eventually the boy wandered off long enough so i jumped in front of a large man in line which made the waving lady finally stop and i got the butt signed.

i did happen to catch 15 minutes of the show, and you sure do have some very loyal listeners with some great memories.
ok, i have paid you plenty of homage, and i am moving on now to vagina rights or why don't people understand romney is an alien?

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