cmk's week in review
saturday, april 7, 2012

http://www.smerconish.com/2012/04/should-this-marine-be-dismissed/

A military board has recommended dismissal for a Marine sergeant who criticized President Obama on his Facebook page, including allegedly putting the president’s face on a “Jackass” movie poster.  The Marine Corps administrative board said after a daylong hearing late Thursday at Camp Pendleton that Sgt. Gary Stein has committed misconduct and should be dismissed.  Click here for USA Today coverage.

answer: yes. he's an idiot. however, i am grateful for his service to the country up to and until the moment he became an idiot.

smerc sat in for chris matthews all week. i am never sure whether i am hearing a smerc opinion or a matthew's opinion, but i am sure there is less spittle involved.

smerc defends roof racks for puppies-

 http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/46933203#46933203

inspires listeners with-
http://soundcloud.com/smerconishshow/smerconish-jim-abbott

abbotts' book can be purchased from real human beings at your local barnes and noble. amazon is for robots. thank you.
http://www.randomhouse.com/audio/blog//2012/03/27/imperfect-written-by-jim-abbott-and-tim-brown-read-by-jim-abbott/

offers more sandusky smut-
http://www.smerconish.com/2012/04/fight-on-state/

and, pisses off the facebook snarks ('scuse you?)-

Kyran: Yawn.

Dan: Mike's stance on politics is "I fell in love with Obama in 2008 and have stuck my foot too far into my mouth to pull it out with any credibility remaining". Not exactly admirable stuff...

Ed: It's sickening to watch them let "Reverend" Al run that network in between rabble rousing. Oh and Smerconish is still a giant phony. That was quite a feat he pulled for 8 years; posing as a conservative guy, having friendly on air chats with Santorum, visiting the troops overseas, having Rumsfeld on for interviews, always a good word for George W. Bravo sir! Shakespeare himself would have been taken in by your performance!April 3 at 5:47pm ·

 

ed is very dissatisfied with your behavior. daily. hourly.
and let me finish this morning with this-
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036697/#46945703

smerc, you need to stop this and stop it now!
asking "why is mitt romney avoiding the religion issue?" is like asking, "why should a pedophile stay away from the playground?".
romney hopes his participation in his faith will earn him a monarchy on a planet in galaxy far, far away- restaurant at the end of the universe far. do you seriously believe romney is going to entertain this discussion, much less broach it for josephsmithsakes?

stop it.
and that is all. goodbye.

cmk

p.s. what in sam's hell is around mr. lucy's neck? is it a little lunch box? omg! you don't zap mr. lucy with electricity, do you? oh, smerc. first seamus, and now this. you are so fucked with peta. they'll be watching out for a jag-u-are (not jag wire) with a puppy crate on it's roof.

bully released with pg-13 rating

congratulations and thank you, katy butler!

no more excuses! take your child to see this pg-13 rated film, please!

All of you were instrumental in getting our PG-13 rating, but we wanted to take a minute to say a special THANK YOU to Katy Butler for having the courage to start the petition that challenged the MPAA rating. Check out her video from the GLAAD awards and post a thank you in the comments!

Katy Butler's Acceptance Speech at the GLAAD Media Awards #glaadawards

www.youtube.com

http://glaad.org/mediawards - The GLAAD Media Awards recognize and honor media for their fair, accurate and inclusive representations of the lesbian, gay, bi...

· · Share · 1121118 · 18 minutes ago · ly

donny deutsch's nipples, msnbc, and the death penalty

a man, a girl, and a nipple

the nipple belongs to donny deutsch. initially, it was my intent to use his .com as a introduction, but his page opens with a one minute+ long movie about something worth cheering for, and i was afraid what was being cheered for would end up being donny 'the nipple' deutsch, wasting a full minute+ of perfectly good cheering.
i remember years and years, as in maybe a decade ago, i would briefly park my clicker on a local cable show, featuring deutsch interviewing various people of local interest. totally forget where, i'm thinkin' jersey or philly, it's unimportant. what is important is, watching donny then wasn't completely horrible.
watching donny on 'morning joe', is.
especially this morning, prompting me to compose a letter to 'the nipple'. here goes:
donny-
this morning you did look pretty darn dapper. i would even click "like" and give you a big ole faceybook thumbs-up if i could.
however!
stop sign! do not try for dapperer, because as joe said, you will rival mark mackinnon and mark is on the precipice of creepy dapper.
however, ignore all 'sock rules according to scarborough'.
sockless ankles look fine in sperry topsiders, keds, and birks.
hush puppies, not so much.
ok, next topic.
why oh why do you permit these people to just beat the living dignity right the eff out of you
every
time
you're
on
'morning joe'?
a decade ago, i woulda never imagined you a punching bag for the current gold medalist in eye rolling, mika b.
good gawd man, grow a sack and knock it off!
and wtf is wrong with wasps?
love,
cmk

p.s. and if this is some cutesy little good dresser/bad dresser banter for the sake of bantering, it isn't cutesy. it means, you will soon grow man boobs and start scheduling mani-pedis.


dear michael eric dyson (msnbc political analyst)-
please don't speak for what "white" people want to hear. i won't tell my friends what you wanna hear, deal?
thank you,

cmk
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/08/12/michael-eric-dyson-hire-by-msnbc-deepens-black-ire-over-al-sharpton-show.html

and let me finish, smerc.

dear smerc-
i believe the death sentence is no longer a viable option in a 2012 society. exactly as you stated, michael ross of connecticut, insisted all appeals on his behalf stop, and that he be put to death. he finally received a lethal injection after 17 years of judicial muddling, and only because ross refused to participate in any further appeal.
philadelphia's mumia-abu jamal case has been an appellate cluster-fuck, affording jamal a never-ending appeal circus, while maureen faulkner and her family are afforded another opportunity to be disrespected by a judiciary seated to protect her.
as a nation, we are a litigious society gone absolutely fucking mad. i support term limits for political offices.
i'm not certain i even like scotus sitting until they can't get up.
i definitely do not support the opportunity for anyone, death row or otherwise, the right to appeal to infinity and beyond.
there are limits on everything in life.
and i don't give a forefather's rats ass if it's scotus approved or not.
rules are made, rules are broken, rules are amended.
hope and change.
i support the proposal to eliminate the death penalty in connecticut after all sitting on it, have fulfilled their obligation to the state.
sincerely,
cmk
p.s.- wear more purple! it looks fanfuckingtastic on camera.



p.s.s.- and speaking of dead men not walking  -  manson, woah, you are lookin' beat the fuck up!





 

new cmk page

vehicle of adventures

'a year of dangerous living' is an ode-to-me page chronicling the adventures that landed me here, and adventures yet to be had in 2012.
cmk2012 will continue to serve my smerc interests.
shotgun, anyone?

a year of dangerous living

mememe

 

last year i decided 2012 was to be my breakout year.
some may call it a "make-it or break-it' type thing, and those some are completely in err.
the notion of getting broken in the process never entered my mind.

i was committed to achieving my personal idea of success in the year of our whatever, 2012.
and that's that.
i made a promise to myself, that i will do absolutely everything within my power to create my future, letting not one opportunity to ensure success pass me by.

an aspect of my career goals involves public speaking, name recognition, and some schmoozing.

now, i consider timing to be everything. and when certain events occur at precisely the same moment in time, i consider that a message from the universe akin to being punched in the face with a wrecking ball.
i guess it is here i must be completely open about my proclivity to rely somewhat on astrology, to believe there is some thing out there that pays attention to stuff we do (good and bad), and a slightly elevated grasp of human nature.
the "or break-it") crowd might call this, weird.
fine. that makes complete sense to me.
you're either open to this or you are not, and if you aren't, that is cool, too.
you're probably going to hell anyway.
so timing, opportunity, and two free tickets to the michael smerconish bookclub all collided like an orchestrated car wreck on the schuylkill. i could win tickets, get publicity, name recognition, and meet my favorite bald person http://www.smerconish.com/ in one fell swoop! all i had to do was a 5 minute stand-up comedy audition, at a bar, in a casino, in front of drinking people and hookahs.
jesus h. chris christie!
i have difficulty speaking on the phone because my voice is a marriage of eddie vedder and marge simpson's cigarette-eating sisters. however, i made the damned promise to not allow anything that could propel me toward achieving my goal pass me by.
and i did it.
and i lost.
but i wasn't horrible, and i didn't faint, and there are some very important movers and shakers at wpht1210 that don't mind that i say the cunt word.
success!
you may think because i lost the comedy competition (to a rather fantastic local guy, chris smith, a cuspy pisces-aries typed ) i failed. but i laugh, hahaha, because one week after my comedy "fail", i received an email from an aforementioned mover and shaker, informing me of 2 comped tickets waiting for me at the scottish rites auditorium in collingswood, nj!
had i not decided to live this year unabashedly out of my box (oh stop it) i would never had stood on a stage pretending to talk funny, ending up with exactly what i had set my mind to on january 1, 2012 in the most roundabout way possible.
'roundabout' also being an excellent yessong.
and bonus! i met an awesome guy, a local dj, whom i remain in contact with to this very day.
chris smith http://comedianchrissmith.com/about-comedian-chris-smith.html and i stay in touch through gmail.
a total win win and then some.
from there, i decided to join a group.
i do not have a great deal of success in groups, and i totally understand i am partially responsible.
i admit it- i'm a group snob.
my clique-ability was made very obvious by jerri simmons, a neighbor of mine and 3rd grade class mate. and as cliques go, a third grade clique is like making it to first base. not a huge accomplishment. however, just as i was entering middle school, who shows up at camp lejeune north carolina?
yes!. her. jerri.
and i'm fucked again by my 3rd grader past; a past i was hoping to put behind me as if i was in a dod witness protection program for wayward girls.
i shake off thoughts of rejections past and cannonball into the meetup pool. with an expected amount of tech communication difficulty on my part, i secured a spot in a writer's "meetup" in downtown philadelphia.
i have discovered i can only drive into the city on wednesdays and park for free. i have another proclivity for parking violations, but seriously, in philly everyone with a car has the same proclivity.
i made certain to board a non-quiet car so as not to disturbed my fellow non- quiet passengers on a quiet car with my ipod, again. nothing like a 51 year old woman getting called out by the train conductor for owning ineffective ear buds, spilling bittersweet symphony onto a speeding septa train.
i got off at suburban and made my way to the meetup - in a highrise, even! movin' on up.
i was right on time, and the meetup commenced.
i was completely ill-prepared in that i brought my laptop rather than printed out copies of my work, and i totally missed the part that said, "we charge for this". all on me; unless i am researching, recommending, or quoting, i notoriously peruse stuff, get the gist, and move on.
i will try and commit to improving this, too.
i also immediately noticed, i was probably the only one in the room who would use the word vaginarific! to describe barrack obama's catholic church/birth control/insurance debate.
i also discovered without a doubt,i am an editors worst freaking nightmare.
we went round the table reading each meetup member's work. we offered up thoughts on what we liked about the piece, then what we disliked, culminating with the uncapping of a heavenly scented, hallucinogen-inducing sharpie marker. a red one!
i am kinda glad huffing was not "in" when i was young.
it was at this moment i knew i was not going to be a good fit for the group. i am horrific with grammar, and punctuation. my long term memory is as efficient as my ovaries have been ever since, well, neverthehellyoumind; there was no way i could or would fit improving my grammar into a "2012 is my year" plan.
still, i really enjoyed being around writers, and thinkers, and i had a pretty fantastic time hanging out with a bunch of people i had no clue even existed one hour earlier.
the sharing came full circle and it was my turn to share my work. i described an essay or two i'd written, described my blogging, and ended with the ultimate writer's sin. i actually said,
"i can't write like everyone else. i cannot pay attention to grammar because i write exactly as i speak (and i mean pretty much exactly) and it is crucial to me personally, that people hear my voice first."
i saw the mika brzenzski style eyeballs roll. i did. rollin' like a river they were!
every newbie writer says this shit.
E V E R Y   O N E. 
then the they say, "no. i really mean it. i'm the one that will break the strunk and white glass ceiling that holds we, the grammar-challenged creators of stories, down!"
i won't say that.
but i will prove it.
anyway, to wrap up my evening i was pretty much voted off meetup island.
i was indeed not a good fit.
but i am totally cool with that because they're right. i would never be able to say cunt in front of any of these people, ever. so this ends well, and as it should.
it was also wonderful because it was one more thing that i have done all by my big girl self, to secure a life i have previously only dreamed of.
one cannot sit back letting life happen all around you, and ask yourself, "why does my life suck so much?"
the answer is simple: "what are you doing about it to make it not suck?"
i am going to look for a free meetup group. maybe a group of writers who really like lewis black, have similar whack minds, and talk with their hands like chimps on crack.
i'm lookin' for that group next!

cmk

dear frank bruni- i don't want your penis

girls, i'd be doing the same shit if i'd had the facebook

when frank bruni's latest new york times article 'the bleaker sex', http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/01/opinion/sunday/bruni-the-bleaker-sex.html was brought to my attention by morning joe early this am, i googlemarked bruni's article for a serious read later, but took a moment to peruse the first couple of paragraphs just to get the gist.
not a good idea if you are one trying to not judge. cuz i totally did.
i disliked the characters; i disliked whomever wrote such characters, and then i went to my chiropractor and forgot all about it til now.

so i read the entire article, and while i still have a bad taste in my mouth about the mini-carries, i absolutely adore the writer/director/actress, 25 year old lena dunham. she has got her status update shit together and knows her audience.
and i will recommit to my pursuit to not judge.

cath, you're okay; just try! love, dali

straight up, i never liked 'sex and the city'. i was a stay-at-home mom that spent most of my day in the clothes i slept in the night before and wiping ass. i couldn't relate in any way whatsoever.
'sex and the city: the tween years' has as much chance with my clicker as those k people that can't keep up with a damned thing.

so back to bruni's 'bleaker sex'.
i looked up bleak because i was pretty certain there was nothing complimentary about it. and i was correct. not for nothin' but there's not one nice damned thing about it.
bleak is nothing but awful. and bleak.
look, i would feel bleak too if i watched young people i would inevitably equate with my own 20-something brood having mostly horrible sex. and ever since 'american pie' i wear earmuffs for young people having sex stuff.

but if, frank bruni, your column insinuates, "the zeitgeist-y, early-20s heroines of “Girls” engaging in, recoiling from, mulling and mourning sex..." makes girls bleak, what about the boys?

let's have a look:
a. boys engage in sex.
b. boys recoil almost immediately after sex, if not when they wake up.
c. girls mull because girls are thoughtful; boys brag because boys are braggarts.
d. girls mourn because "he didn't post a status update!" the next day, guys mourn because girls want them to.
girls are no more nor less bleak than boys have always been.
so there!

five sluts

next, from bruni's article:
"Are young women who think that they should be more like men willing themselves into a casual attitude toward sex that’s an awkward emotional fit? Two movies released last year, “No Strings Attached” and “Friends With Benefits,” held that position, and Dunham subscribes to it as well. "

yes frank, it is an awkward fit and it doesn't work. both movies end with friend-sex turning into happily-ever-after-sex when both girl and boy fall in friend-sex-love. and while i have no personal experience, i have heard one bajillion times, "friends can't have sex and stay just friends" from a couple of friends that would know.

dunham of 'girls' sums this up best -“There’s a biological reason why women feel about sex the way they do and men feel about sex

the way they do. It’s not as simple as divesting yourself of your gender roles.”

 the biological reason

in 2012, girls are still sluts.
in 2012, boys still aren't.
what we are witnessing, is an earnest effort by girls to achieve the same sexual autonomy boys have always enjoyed.

girls wanna know the secret. if anyone knows the secret, please give it up.
every day i see girls emulating boys feigning sexual bravado by way of "oops i dropped this! lemme bend over and get it" boob shots and booty call status updates.
on the flip side, boys in public restaurants using their cell phones like grandma's photo album flipping through pics, taking "we were here at this place together" photos, and constantly checking to see who might have called.

boys like dirt, forts, and spiders; not status updates

girls want control. i believe they would like to control the urge to pull their hair out whenever a guy doesn't call. or text, or update his status. i believe girls would like to have casual, random sex if they choose to and not be held to any higher standard than a guy. social networking gives the appearance this is all about sex. i'm not a fan of tit shots, especially when i knew you when you were a brownie, but i get it.
i am going to watch 'girls', http://www.hbo.com/girls/about/index.html only because i'm so impressed with  lena dunham.
but bruni, bleak? pffft.
girls are sugar and spice and everything nice and there's not one bleak thing about that!
and young ladies, you do not take ownership of yourself when you share yourself with the world wide web.
be strong, be smart, be have. but especially, don't be boys.
love love.

update: bruni appeared this morning on msnbc's morning joe, amongst a round table that included 4 other men and mika b.- joes' valuable, eye rolling, professional op-ed reading female version of a sidekick. bruni regurgitated his times piece, which regurgitates some father goose fairy tale that what women really want is to grow a great big, old dick and be rid of men altogether.
maybe if you're author, maureen dowd, of 'are men really necessary?', a life without men works.
as a woman who would never think to ask that question a life without men would be sad.
they look good in baseball pants; kevin costner in, 'tin cup'; willing to work 80 freaking hours a week; have the penis; they father our daughters, and if you're lucky, give you good company as you make your way to dying.
i rather like them in general, and a few of them in particular, but i would never, ever wanna BE one of them.
nothing much was added to bruni's misconception that girls just wanna have fun and be boys. and mika sat on her hands the entire time because i am pretty sure she isn't getting any.

wouldn't touch that

cmk