Wednesday, April 11, 2012

on behalf of vaginas everywhere, thank you jesus and rick santorum

jesus and birth control have risen!

thank you father, son, and holy ghost!

"Citing weekend reflection with his family, prompted in part by a hospital stay for his youngest daughter, Santorum suspended his campaign, effective today."
i completely support the santorum family decision and respect their right to be together at this particular time, political prowess aside. understanding rick santorum the man, i am not at all surprised santorum will take advantage of.... what?

synchronicity (aka perfect lockstep)-
santorum's daughter, bella, fell ill at a time that resulted in deep, critical thought, a lot of kitchentable family conversation (easter and spring break falling in perfect lockstep with the lull in primaries, ohhhmmm), reaching a conclusion that benefited the santorum family.
is this not exactly what santorum would be expected to do?
the only reason i cheer the conclusion of santorum's campaign, is i will never have to hear another pundit ponder how in sam's hell did santorum keep his god loving, uterus controlling, mysoginist head above politician-infested water this freakin' long?

dum dum, dummmm dum, dum dum dum dum, aw shit.

over and over to the point of nausea i hear pundits opine collective surprise over santorum's continued, if not rising delegate success, up to and until his last series of primary losses to romney.
i really think i am one of two people on planet earth, the other being matt drudge,  unsurprised by santorum's weird, unlikely appeal.

republicans, conservatives, gop'ers, independents, and even libertarians, were stirred by the candidate that walked the walk.
we wanted a candidate comfortable in his skin, confident in character, and willing to speak hard, ugly truths.
we, the 99%, know hard truths. our neighbors live life's hard truths. we are not afraid to acknowledge this and we want a candidate equally willing to acknowledge the truth and isn't too politiciany to talk about it.
if candidates didn't hand us a bunch of typical pandering bullshit, we welcomed them with open arms, warts and all.
we the people are desperate to elect a politician who visibly walks the walk he/she talks. even if the walking and talking is assclown ridiculous, we forgive you your stupidity because we know you really, really believe your walk to be true!

similar to men who claim their dicks will fall off, get gangrene, or just out right implode if willy doesn't ejaculate by some imaginary "best if used by" date.
we know you're full of shit but we love you regardless.

delivers pizza and pays the rent

it was cain's appeal, until we discovered he was delivering his particular brand of appeal to women all over the place like he was delivering hand-tossed pizza.
it was perry's appeal until we discovered that wasn't-  texas personality- that's a texan on quaaludes.
when all of the clowns left the circus, we were left with an alien, an asshole, a vagina controlling religious zealot, and bringing up the rear as usual- the one who calls a hollow tree home and isn't even a real republican elf anyway!

not a registered voter
santorum's "last minute appeal" was a realization that whether we liked or even agreed with santorum's politics, it finally became obvious to more than 2 people, at least he wasn't full of shit.
santorum supports some outrageous ideals, but he actually lives his life according to precepts he has the balls to espouse.
santorum really does want to control my vagina, he isn't afraid to say so,  but!

he chooses not to. i have heard him state he would not legislate my access to birth control.

i don't love abortions, but i won't picket your clinic.
i get it.
he wants women to stay home and raise their babies. but he won't pass a law making women stay home and raise babies.
and i stayed home and raised babies, got a problem with that, people?
and santorum's wife walks the 'stay-at-home-mom' walk.

i believe with all my heart, americans are desperate beyond desperate for a president who also happens to be a real human being. we don't want him to be like us; if we do, we are more dna challenged than neandretals. we want a president to be direct, avoid hypocrisy, stop using the "we" word when clearly "we" are us and them.
get real.
be real.
we forgive your warts if the rest of you is real and not all warty.
now all i have to look forward to is the aforementioned pundits begging the question, "who is mitt and why is he so weird?"

again, it comes back to god
um, cuz he's a freaking mormon? good grief, research people. research.

kind wishes for the santorum family.


p.s. my vagina never felt threatened, by the way )

No comments:

Post a Comment