smerconish breaks nobel news

 SMERCONISH BREAKS NEWS FIRST!!

http://www.reuters.com/article/topNews/idUSTRE5981JK20091009

1. u.s. senator - check
2. u.s. president - check
3. nobel peace prize - check
4. rule the world - nearly checked
5. god - date to be announced


**props to smerconish**

smerconish on deer condoms

deer condoms?

it is a well-known fact, republicans like shooting stuff.

 you know a conservative would be reeking 2nd amendment havoc all over some bambi ass.

apparently, valley forge has a deer problem.

dr. priscilla cohn, associate director of the oxford centre for animal ethics (http://www.oxfordanimalethics.com/who-we-are/associate-director/) was a guest on the smerconish a.m. show.
dr. cohn doesnt actually suggest putting condoms on the horny bucks of valley forge - which would be worth the price of admission to witness - but instead recommends shooting our randy, doe-eyed friends with a dart full of a sterilizing protein known as pzp. there is talk of a fence, thus protecting the deer and the eco-system in one humane swoop.
dr. cohn has offered to pay all costs for the immunizations and foot the bill for the fence, too.
problem solved!
well, no.
the park people dont like this idea. http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local-beat/Ready-Aim--Fire-on-Valley-Forge-Deer--63601597.html
one reason cited by a park spokesperson: the fda has not approved use of pzp on wildlife. it might harm the deer.

and this doesnt?

ill end my argument with a quote from park officials: "The deer will be lured by apples and grain and federal employees or contractors will use silencer-equipped rifles to shoot the animals during night hunts. "

sounds fair.

michael smerconish cant be a conservative because he doesnt feel the deer should be shot in such a manner. he compares it to, "a trophy hunt" and  "it's like shooting aimals at the zoo."

s.i.c. #6 successfully argued.

sorry seems to be the hardest word....

not.
as of late, the apology is breaking news.
hln anchor, jane velez mitchell, is yelling at me right now! "a growing AVALANCHE of dirty laundry; letterman being BLACKmailed for TWO MILLION BUCKS!" jane, along with her FABULOUS expert panel, spend the next 15 minutes analyzing lettermans sex drive and subsequent apology. jane and her AMAZING panel come to the conclusion lettermans apology just wasnt good enough and maybe we should chop his head off. as the segment ends, jane bangs her gavel, and pimps her new book, "I WANT". shes an alcoholic and wrote a whole book about it. come to think of it hln's nancy grace, a crime victim, is pimping her book, too. omg, and robin meade had confidence issues and guess what? book! im begining to think hln only hires dysfunctional women who happen to write books.

ever since don imus uttered the phrase, "nappy-headed hoes", the american public has adopted a mob mentality resembling the salem witch trials. with the aid of cable "news", we are privy to every salacious detail. on any given day, someone is apologizing somewhere for something they did or said, so much so i cant recall the last time i heard anyone mention that president obama is black.
we have appointed ourselves the arbitrators of civility. and my, what high standards we have. a slip of the tongue? fire him! an office affair? fire him, then sue for sexual harrassment! if andrea peyser had her way, letterman would be fired, sured, and castrated.
publicly.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/dump_depraved_dave_now_cbs_uBqwrz2d0rBl6BRmAamE1M
this is like a weird version of, "american idol"; speed-dialing in a vote to determine the fate of the latest screwer-upper. i dont know when the holier-than-thou attitude became so prevalent, or why we suddenly hold celebrities to higher standards than we ourselves hold. sorry is quite easy to say; it is accepting the apology thats hard. glass houses, people.

s.i.c. argument #5

conservatives and republicans dont like sexy times.

 the big news of the day is david letterman has had sex.
with women.
more than one time.

the gop, moral majority, and conservatives alike, would find this loathsome. i offer the following examples that support my argument:

mark foley, (r), house of representatives. the quote: “get a ruler and measure it for me”

 larry craig, (r), u.s. senator: the quote: “I am not gay, I don’t do these kinds of things.”

bob allen, (r), florida house of representatives: the quote: “I certainly wasn’t there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn’t there to exchange money for it.”

glenn murphy, jr., (r), national chairman of the young republicans: the quote: “I was in the Sound of Music in High School…don’t ask.” 

source: http://www.badmouth.net/top-five-republican-gay-sex-scandals

nevermind.

apparently they love the stuff.

journalists are calling for lettermans head as if they were reporting michael vick was eating puppies again. one would think consensual sex between two adults who happen to work in the same general location deserves a good, public flogging and they are just the folk to do it; andrea peyser leading the hungry pack. http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/dump_depraved_dave_now_cbs_uBqwrz2d0rBl6BRmAamE1M

  we assume there MUST be harrassmet involved, afterall, who one earth could possibly be genuinely attracted to a guy with a great sense of humor and a secure financial future?
women hate that.

the smerconish daily poll question asks whether letterman should be fired for dipping his ink in the company well. the nays were slightly ahead at last glance with smerconish on the side of the nays.

results tomorrow.

final thought: if smerconish were a conservative he would have voted "yes" with all those miserably unhappy people who probably never get laid and seek to persecute those who do.

: )