Saturday, March 24, 2012

the week in vaginas and smerconish

guess the day i posted vagina, go on, guess

at the conclusion of one week's worth of posts, google analytics have proven what everyone on earth already knows:
men love vagina.
now, i could be getting just as many female hits; however, get the fuck real- the word vagina is to a post title as danica patrick is to the nascar.
hot hot hot.
it's a win win and from now on, i may have to refer to the cooter in every possible way in every post title, henceforth. 
it's saturday and i am now going to introduce you to:

cmk saturday wrap up:

as word of e.l. james', '50 shades of grey', spread like a whore's ankles, women all over america flocked to bookstores requesting a copy of what was being touted as, "the steamiest, sexiest work of raunchy fiction since, well, ever." 
and i use "requested" lightly. 
i remember faces, too
they flocked like the birds in hitchcocks', 'birds' flocked and left some booksellers feeling if they just got their eyeballs pecked out by a buncha really horny angry birds.
some ladies almost cried.
and some ladies, mostly the sweet, lil' old ones, needed to be warned, "oh. i don't think this is what you think it is. it's not really romance. like, this would make jackie collins look like a children's author."
or, "there are "things" involved; you know, like, um, (whispers) handcuffs and stuff." winks.
random house finally reprinted the book; the female literary libido could be satiated among whatever else those lady-perverts do, and i would no longer have to explain or discuss bondage, discipline, or s&m to one more blue-haired old woman.

smerc goes to boston this week to attend that chris matthews jfk book/movie thing. an excerpt from a poem i wrote on :
for only a man like jfk
has para mores to this very day-
who in their golden years of life
claim, "i fucked him too! not just his wife!"

chris needs to let this go. 
besides, caroline kennedy is putting out 83 kennedy book per year already. please. 

arlen "the turtle" specter poked his curmudgeon little head out of his shell and promoted his new book, 'life among the cannibals: a political career, a tea party, uprising, and the end of government as we know it'.
are you effing kidding me? that is 20 words long!
and of all people to have the worlds longest title in the history of longest rambling titles, it would be specter. it took 30 seconds of airtime for him to spit the damned thing out.
1. i cannot wait to have to enter this title into a title search at work.
2. and, i just might consider whether i will even do a title search if mr. specter continues to announce, "you can buy my book at that evil internet place that rhymes with schmamazon..." first.
bookstores employ real people from your district. you should be ashamed, mr. specter.
but please say missourah, more often. i do love that; so huck finn of ya.

lastly, the vagina has been replaced as the gop platform now focuses on, that's right, you guessed it:

one of my personal favorites

yes, that. 

msnbc said the word etch-a-sketch 1,438 times friday, replacing  former record holder, cooter rights.

the ohio art co., maker of the etch-a-sketch, says the 1960's era toy is flying off the shelf!
i thought buddy elf made the etch-a-sketch?
that being said, i wonder if viagra sales went up, up, up during all the federal vagina wrangling.

that is it for the week.
this blogger will see you monday.
tomorrow i rest )

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