Monday, April 30, 2012

virginia is not for vaginas



"This bill does not legally alter a woman's ability to make a choice regarding her pregnancy," the statement said. "It does, however, put Virginia in line with 23 other states that have some type of requirement that a woman be offered a view of an ultrasound before an abortion can be performed."
The bill is slated to go into effect on July 1.

BACKGROUND: Since the mid-1990s, several states have moved to make ultrasound part of abortion service provision. Some laws and policies require that a woman seeking an abortion receive information on accessing ultrasound services, while others require that a woman undergo an ultrasound before an abortion. Since routine ultrasound is not considered medically necessary as a component of first-trimester abortion, the requirements appear to be a veiled attempt to personify the fetus and dissuade a woman from obtaining an abortion. Moreover, an ultrasound can add significantly to the cost of the procedure.

this 'war on women' has been going on as long as charles manson has been hitting up the california parole board apparently with the same results.
at least manson has been active participant in his 'war on parole' and i got to watch!
and might i add, thank you thank you steven brill for creating courttv!
this shit is better than a double-feature at a drive-in, popcorn and all.
so, um, if there's a war, where are all the bodies?
surely if the uteri of the testosterone-challenged have been attacked since the 1990's, there is a death toll somewhere .
surely there would have been a journalist somewhere with a deep-throat connection in a war bunker getting "according to anonymous sources" information about the 'war on women'.
right?
with the exception of some SSS (super stupid shit) escaping from the mouths of some SSP (you figure this one out) the 'war on women' is as innocuous now as it was when it began under the clinton administration all those years ago.
 
below is a table outlining ultrasound requirements state by state. (disclaimer- this table from 2011; however, only differs from guttmacher, dated april 2012 (link below), in re to virginia and texas.)



HIGHLIGHTS:
 11 states require verbal counseling or written materials to include information on accessing ultrasound services.
 20 states regulate the provision of ultrasound by abortion providers.
 7 states mandate that an abortion provider perform an ultrasound on each woman seeking an abortion, and require the provider to offer the woman the opportunity to view the image.
 9 states require that a woman be provided with the opportunity to view an ultrasound image if her provider performs the procedure as part of the preparation for an abortion.
 5 states require that a woman be provided with the opportunity to view an ultrasound image.

*1(one) state- texas, must display and describe the ultrasound image; north carolina and oklahoma have similar mandates; however, both are pending judicial review. but! even this provision exists:
** according to guttmacher.org link:The law allows the woman to decline to view the image and in Texas the woman may decline to listen to the description under certain circumstances.

granted, there are 7 states that mandate the ultrasound is part of the abortive procedure; however, all 7 are only required to offer the opportunity to have a look.
at this point, our spread-eagle p.o.w invokes the geneva convention and says, "no thanks."
game over.

it should also be noted an ultrasound is not required for any reproductive counseling or consultation.
a woman is still free to gather as much information she chooses long before she decides to terminate a pregnancy. a woman is free to schedule an appointment with her obgyn or her general practitioner and just chat about her options - this is called a consultation and doctors everywhere still do them.
women are still free to walk into planned parenthood and speak with a reproduction counselor and ask as many questions as one can think of and walk away as informed as one chooses to be; there are pro-choice and pro-life organizations that offer services, and for godsakes, there's the freaking internet!
a woman does not schedule an abortion as if she were scheduling an oil change for her car.
as a woman i hope with all of my heart and all that makes me female, every woman faced with this situation puts a lot of thought into her options and ultimately into her decision.
as a woman, i find it offensive that a legislature assumes women deal with unwanted pregnancies with all the regard we give our order at a burger king drive-up window.

things to do today:
drop off books @ library
get an abortion
pick up dry cleaning

as a woman, i find it offensive that this 20 year old "war on women" didn't really piss off very many women until 2012 and not even until after a few meat headed politicians tried to legislate a church and lay down some new/old law on the united states of vaginas.
as an american, i find the use of the word war in this regard, offensive. politicians, the media, and angry women want to invoke the imagery of war, an image we are all too fucking familiar with, to equate a not-so-sudden assault on their reproductive choices. give me a break.
the only assault on  your crotch comes in the form of an offering and an opportunity- sounds more like manners than a declaration of war.
anyway all attempts by the states to further assault us with their damned ultrasound rules are under judicial review, and i'm pretty sure the new texas law will follow suit and end up before the court as well.

as previously noted, the ultrasound option has been around for quite some time.
lady soldiers, where have you been for the last 20 years?
perhaps you should get your head out of your cooter and pay attention to what befalls the entire human race and not just what exists between your legs.


cmk

ps- we could start by demanding safe birth control, viagra for women, and i would trade a thumb up my ass and a little coughing for the william wallace bed of torture that is my obgyn office.








Thursday, April 26, 2012

my president tweets, sings, and slow jams better than your president




in 2008, barrack obama arrived at the white house with a major security issue in his pants.
get your mind out of the gutter.
a potus first, #44 came with a blackberry.
and if that wasn't enough he brought along his facebook wall.
the kicker? he twits, he tweets, he twats and blogs.
after much negotiating, president obama's blackberry was granted a security clearance affording another potus first - president barrack obama has more social networking apps than mark zuckerberg and more 'followers' than god.
given president obama's numerous television appearances, because yes barrack obama has a page at imdb.com, i am baffled that smerc drew his line in the sand when president obama slow jammed the news with jimmy fallon and house band, the roots, featuring the fabulous quest love.



and this was just too much for smerc!
but was it a surprise? um, no.
according to:
 http://www.mediaite.com/online/obama-overtakes-reagan-as-most-televised-president-in-history/

Barack and Michelle Obama have made a combined 195 television and movie appearances since entering the national spotlight in 2004, according to the Internet Movie Database (IMDB). That is 20 more appearances than the Reagans’ 175 self-credited media appearances over an 85-year span.
Ronald and Nancy Reagan were both Hollywood stars, amassing 99 movie and television roles from 1937 to 1996. Reagan continued to frequent the late night circuit during his political career, sitting down with Johnny Carson and roasting A-listers with Dean Martin.
and if that isn't enough of a kick in smerc's pants, president obama is gonna yuk it up with jimmy kimmel sometime next week.
http://www.mediaite.com/tv/president-obama-to-appear-on-late-night-with-jimmy-fallon-this-week/


the president's appearance on kimmel will complete the entire late night comedy circuit.
it would be quite the coup if kimmel can get our president to rap the news, fo' shizzle.


one appearance; however, is glaringly absent.
and by one, i mean literally 1(one).
president barrack obama, the first black president of the united states, despite his many comedy central and then some gigs, has made one appearance on bet, the black entertainment network.

seriously?
i am still researching the obama's many television cameos, so straight up, i am still trying to find additional sources; however, at this moment this is what i got:
according to-
http://www.tvguide.com/detail/tv-show.aspx?tvobjectid=194708&more=ucepisodelist&episodeid=9703403

the following is tvguide.com's (link above) programming list for obama content on bet-

Episodes: BET News - 40 total Episodes
9/26/2011: BET News: The President Answers Black America - this is the 1(one) appearance http://www.s2smagazine.com/stories/2011/09/president-obama-chat-bet
4/29/2010: BET News: Dr. Dorothy Height Funeral Service
1/27/2010: BET News: State of the Union Coverage
7/7/2009: BET News: Forever the King
6/27/2009: Michael Jackson
1/20/2009: BET News: Barack Obama Victory Speech
1/20/2009: BET News: Inauguration Coverage
1/19/2009: BET News: King & Obama
1/19/2009: BET News: The Obama Effect
12/7/2008: BET News: Heart of the City: Chicago's War on Violence
12/1/2008: BET News: Are You Positive?
11/4/2008: BET News: The First Black President
11/4/2008: BET News Special: Election '08 Coverage
11/3/2008: BET News: Barack Obama Speech
10/3/2008: BET News: Crank That Vote
9/16/2008: BET News: R. Kelly Speaks
8/27/2008: BET News: The Dream: 45 Years Later
8/26/2008: BET News: What's at Stake
8/25/2008: Locked Out: Ex-con and the Vote
6/3/2008: BET News: Obama's Journey to the White House
5/29/2008: Fashion Blackout: Models of Color Out of Style?
4/13/2008: Spring Break Diaries
2/7/2008: Stigma: The Silent Killer
1/15/2008: Brown on Black
1/15/2008: What's in It for Us?: Hillary Clinton & the Black Vote
1/8/2008: What's In It for Us?: Barack Obama and the Black Vote

michelle obama appeared on the 2011 bet honors show with mariah carey and a child of destiny or someone, i forget. it was not beyonce' or sasha fierce, that i know.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/15/bet-honors-michelle-obama_n_1207366.html
the first lady's resume' also includes:
http://www.bet.com/news/features/vote-2012/news/politics/2012/04/24/michelle-obama-to-set-record-for-first-lady-television-appearances.html
http://wonkette.com/470612/michelle-obama-spends-more-time-on-television-than-actual-actors-according-to-vague-statement

i am left with a couple of thoughts, and i will address my smerc thought first.
smerc, how can slow jamming the news put you over the top? as outlined in my first paragraph, the man tweets. now, i know full well our president isn't actually the one doing the tweeting.
in the good old days, that would be pre-tweet, my mother would arrive at the white house and answer letters from little children, pretending to be the president. on it's face, this seems cute.
however, let me tell you from personal experience, when say, some "random" pie-eyed little girl finds out the letter she received from richard m. nixon was a complete forgery, leading aforementioned child to realize that sob nixon probably didn't even read my damned letter, i mean her letter, isn't cute one little bit.
my mother- a dasher of dreams.
but, president obama gives his tweetblessings and allows others to twit on his behalf so that americans everywhere can flutter in our president's twatting universe.
good times.
just don't slow jam the news!
the more serious thought i am left with is, am i the only person who finds it odd that the first black president of the united states appears less than interested in participating with the only major blackcentric television network outside the wb?
i am an older white woman, and i would absolutely expect this man to be interacting with black people everywhere; shouting from the rooftops, oh hell no- shouting from the oval office, "represent!"
and in the words of our always articulate vice president joe biden, albeit on the down-low, "this is a big fuckin' deal".
it is.
yet seems to me, the obama's side-step every opportunity to shine a national spotlight on what a big deal his history-making presidency truly is. ignoring it, avoiding it, (which reminds me of romney and his little mormon problem) sweeping it under the rug even, is another missed opportunity for some much needed in-your-face unifying.
but much like the recent trayvon martin case in sanford, florida, any opportunity for some productive, honest, necessary dialogue has been missed.

al is on the case

kudos to those who brought trayvon martin's death to national attention and all that was done on behalf of this young man and his family. me? i hadn't heard a thing about the case until sharpton got involved and made mention of it on his msnbc show, how the hell did i get this gig on politics nation? starring al sharpton. so he served a wonderful purpose.
served.
but al sharpton always stays too long at the party. he is the dude who sits at the bar and drinks allllll night long; thinks he's just fine until he stands up and then all sorta drunk shit hits the rev's fan.
he's that guy.
not satisfied to simply get the judicial ball rolling, al is going to relive (again) his glory days as a civil rights icon and purposely or not, fan racial flames pitting broken-hearted white mom against broken- hearted black mom and i'm noticing the mom part is always arriving at the end .

i read a piece by d.l. hughely@
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dl-hugley/trayvon-martin-zimmerman_b_1445575.html

it is the last paragraph that i wish to draw attention to; however, please read his entire piece.
"If this trial bears any resemblance to a rally, I fear that the jury will lose a great deal of sympathy. Everyone relates to parents mourning the loss of their child. The only way to win this trial is to make it about people and families, not about civil rights and politics. I can guarantee that there will be people of all ideological stripes on that jury, and they will need to persuaded just as much as everyone else. How? By calling to their decency and humanity, as opposed to whatever their voting biases may be. People generally want to do the ethical thing, but they have to be listening to what you're saying first. But if it becomes a "black thing," they simply grow disinterested. A disinterested jury will not send a man to jail. If one, just one, juror sees a bunch of upset black people and thinks "there goes the neighborhood," this case is lost."

well said.
as for president obama, i totally don't mind if you appear on bet and address bet issues. i don't mind if you or michelle choose to be the cover story for essence magazine. it is alright to hear you say, "if i had a son, he would look like trayvon." on the flipside, it would be okay for me to say, "if i had a son taken from me, so young so dear, my heart would break as sabryna fultons must be breaking."
it is not what compels empathy, it is the spirit of empathy in common that is unifying.
it matters not that you empathize with the way he looks anymore than i empathize with his mother's heart.

i believe to ignore a person's race is to ignore their history.
i believe i cannot look at a black person and not notice they are black, anymore than an asian appears asian, white appears white, and so on.
i believe most people honor and value their ethnicity and to pretend we are all one color is to reject one's dna pool all the way back to jesus.
i also believe there is no better person in the united states of america to- at the very least, assist us in commencing this dialogue, than our president, barrack obama.

enough with the self- promoting, "i'm the cool president" tv appearances.
make better use of your free air time, mr. president.
call bet.

cmk


Wednesday, April 11, 2012

on behalf of vaginas everywhere, thank you jesus and rick santorum


jesus and birth control have risen!

thank you father, son, and holy ghost!

"Citing weekend reflection with his family, prompted in part by a hospital stay for his youngest daughter, Santorum suspended his campaign, effective today."
http://nbcpolitics.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/10/11122920-santorum-suspends-presidential-campaign?lite
i completely support the santorum family decision and respect their right to be together at this particular time, political prowess aside. understanding rick santorum the man, i am not at all surprised santorum will take advantage of.... what?

synchronicity (aka perfect lockstep)-
santorum's daughter, bella, fell ill at a time that resulted in deep, critical thought, a lot of kitchentable family conversation (easter and spring break falling in perfect lockstep with the lull in primaries, ohhhmmm), reaching a conclusion that benefited the santorum family.
is this not exactly what santorum would be expected to do?
the only reason i cheer the conclusion of santorum's campaign, is i will never have to hear another pundit ponder how in sam's hell did santorum keep his god loving, uterus controlling, mysoginist head above politician-infested water this freakin' long?

dum dum, dummmm dum, dum dum dum dum, aw shit.

over and over to the point of nausea i hear pundits opine collective surprise over santorum's continued, if not rising delegate success, up to and until his last series of primary losses to romney.
i really think i am one of two people on planet earth, the other being matt drudge,  unsurprised by santorum's weird, unlikely appeal.

republicans, conservatives, gop'ers, independents, and even libertarians, were stirred by the candidate that walked the walk.
we wanted a candidate comfortable in his skin, confident in character, and willing to speak hard, ugly truths.
we, the 99%, know hard truths. our neighbors live life's hard truths. we are not afraid to acknowledge this and we want a candidate equally willing to acknowledge the truth and isn't too politiciany to talk about it.
if candidates didn't hand us a bunch of typical pandering bullshit, we welcomed them with open arms, warts and all.
we the people are desperate to elect a politician who visibly walks the walk he/she talks. even if the walking and talking is assclown ridiculous, we forgive you your stupidity because we know you really, really believe your walk to be true!

similar to men who claim their dicks will fall off, get gangrene, or just out right implode if willy doesn't ejaculate by some imaginary "best if used by" date.
we know you're full of shit but we love you regardless.

delivers pizza and pays the rent

it was cain's appeal, until we discovered he was delivering his particular brand of appeal to women all over the place like he was delivering hand-tossed pizza.
it was perry's appeal until we discovered that wasn't-  texas personality- that's a texan on quaaludes.
when all of the clowns left the circus, we were left with an alien, an asshole, a vagina controlling religious zealot, and bringing up the rear as usual- the one who calls a hollow tree home and isn't even a real republican elf anyway!

not a registered voter
santorum's "last minute appeal" was a realization that whether we liked or even agreed with santorum's politics, it finally became obvious to more than 2 people, at least he wasn't full of shit.
santorum supports some outrageous ideals, but he actually lives his life according to precepts he has the balls to espouse.
santorum really does want to control my vagina, he isn't afraid to say so,  but!

he chooses not to. i have heard him state he would not legislate my access to birth control.

i don't love abortions, but i won't picket your clinic.
i get it.
he wants women to stay home and raise their babies. but he won't pass a law making women stay home and raise babies.
and i stayed home and raised babies, got a problem with that, people?
and santorum's wife walks the 'stay-at-home-mom' walk.

i believe with all my heart, americans are desperate beyond desperate for a president who also happens to be a real human being. we don't want him to be like us; if we do, we are more dna challenged than neandretals. we want a president to be direct, avoid hypocrisy, stop using the "we" word when clearly "we" are us and them.
get real.
be real.
we forgive your warts if the rest of you is real and not all warty.
now all i have to look forward to is the aforementioned pundits begging the question, "who is mitt and why is he so weird?"


again, it comes back to god
um, cuz he's a freaking mormon? good grief, research people. research.

kind wishes for the santorum family.

cmk

p.s. my vagina never felt threatened, by the way )

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

hardballs, hardheads, and hardtruths

having a hard day


smerconish spent the week auditioning for chris matthews' 'hardball' slot all last week. i am only bothered by this because smerc is a bit less smerckish and a little more rockefeller center.
i refuse to go so far to say smerc is anything at all like matthews. smerc doesn't spit when he goes off on a 3-minute question rant and he doesn't rant for 3 minutes, so it's a win win for his guests.
i hope smerc eventually gets the gig.

smerc allows his guest answer questions; matthews asks his guests questions, but somewhere along the line matthews decides he is going to answer the question too, leaving guests like mother jones', david korn, chewing the insides of his cheeks.
ugh, smerc is nothing like chris matthews, but nothing quite like smerc either.

my pet turtle, arlen specter
i was elated to think he would be back in philly on monday, and tuned
in to hear  a 'best of smerconish' repeater edition of arlen specter pimping that gawd-awful book of his.
nineteen fucking words in the title!
only specter.
and gawd damned chris matthew's stupid assed vacation too!

when i arrived home from my appointment with the worlds greatest chiropractor on the face of the earth, i woke up my laptop and there to my surprise, was the real smerc on wpht!
yay! sybil out, smerconish in.
around 6 pm-ish, the topic centered around the trayvon martin shooting in sanford, florida. once again, smerc's mainliner zip code (also known as- the new elites' blanket of protection from real human beings) leaves him pondering, "are people really taking sides already and deciding guilt or innocence before zimmerman is even charged?"
michael michael michael.
duh.
charles murray is correct.
there are zip codes in cities full of fine people... - i'm making no judgements.
none that i'm admitting to right now anyway.
i'll continue.....fine people with lovely manners and worthy-of-praise socialization skills, and free-range access to crane stationary and mont blanc fountain pens.
and these people, fine as y'all are, participate in the real planet earth as naturally and as often as the gop's favorite gaffer- mitt romney.
as white trailer trash (because i took murray's test, and i know both jimmys) i am left to enlighten you smerc, to real human thoughts on the trayvon martin shooting.
buckle yourself up, in that fine jag-u-are of yours; i'm taking you for a ride through the www philly burbs:

from cnn facebook thread:
Tina MH This Is So HeartBreaking A Young Boy 17yrs old,Just buying Tea &Candy! SMH...We ALL KnoW If The KiLLeR WaS Black & The ChilD Was White! NO WaY WouLD He Be STILL Walking ArounD W/ThaT GUN!-Racism IS SO OUT HERE It'S INJUSTICE!! SO SHAMEFULL!!! CARMA Is SOMETHING!!
9 minutes ago · Like · 1 (props to carma with a 'c'!)
MikeR wearing a hoodie when its not cold or raining is a sure sign you arent up to anything good.
about an hour ago · Like
msnbc:
SandraT Just like when I got profiled for being a skinny white girl ... I must be in this neighborhood for drugs. If I were slovenly ... it wouldnt have happened. If I were black or Mexican it wouldnt have happened. I was targeted because I am skinny and white. But that isn't racism?? OK ... I forgot only black people are victims. All other nationalities are not ever discriminated against. It is bullshit and it pisses me off
3 hours ago · Like · 1
DanP
If a white kid was killed the shooter no matter the race would be in jail and the trial date would be set.
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
DanP You can tell the racists by their outrage at people demanding justice in this case.
Just Sayin
8 minutes ago · Like
TavorisS Why hasn't anything been said about the SHOOTINGS N TULSA I guess don't wanna end up TALKING about BLACK WALL STREET & showing what WHITE PPL R CAPABLE 3 hours ago ·
GlenC.M. John C, Republicans want to see one big plantation!
2 hours ago · · 4 (notice this shit get's 4 thumbs up!)
from ms facebook wall:
Billy Mulligan By the way. Truth is not hate speech. Obama is an Affirmative Action President.. Trayvon was trespassing on private property, when trespass you take the risk of being shot. Sandra Fluck is a slut. She allowed herself to be used by the left like a slut.. Truth is not hate speech.. Now me I use hate speech because I absolutely abhor the Left and Democrats as a whole
11 hours ago · · 2 (billy contributes some freakin' doozies, lemmetellya! billy makes facebook ed look like milquetoast!)
 
i know, it's depressing, isn't it?
hey, mr.bubble?
yeah mr. smerconish, you are indeed a resident in the charles murray bubble of the unincluded.
it seems the real world, which IS facebook, has bee completely divided into 2 camps:
zimmerman's camp guilty
trayvon's camp of justice

you and i are among a select few who have put on earmuffs to a media hellbent on stirring a racepot that rivals charles manson's intention to start a race war between blacks and whites in 1969.
during the woodstock era, manson used drugs and his notorious cult appeal as a means to his desired end.
in 2012, we have the mainstream media.

stick to your legal gut instincts, and keep the earmuffs on.
stay comfortably in the mainline bubble, and i will keep you informed of what the real people do.
cmk

p.s.
the april 8th announcement of smerconish's move into rush limbaughs' noon-three timeslot on 1210 wpht leads me to believe, smerc is gonna get the hardball job!


Saturday, April 7, 2012

cmk's week in review
saturday, april 7, 2012


http://www.smerconish.com/2012/04/should-this-marine-be-dismissed/
A military board has recommended dismissal for a Marine sergeant who criticized President Obama on his Facebook page, including allegedly putting the president’s face on a “Jackass” movie poster.  The Marine Corps administrative board said after a daylong hearing late Thursday at Camp Pendleton that Sgt. Gary Stein has committed misconduct and should be dismissed.  Click here for USA Today coverage.

answer: yes. he's an idiot. however, i am grateful for his service to the country up to and until the moment he became an idiot.

smerc sat in for chris matthews all week. i am never sure whether i am hearing a smerc opinion or a matthew's opinion, but i am sure there is less spittle involved.

smerc defends roof racks for puppies-


inspires listeners with-
http://soundcloud.com/smerconishshow/smerconish-jim-abbott


abbotts' book can be purchased from real human beings at your local barnes and noble. amazon is for robots. thank you.

http://www.randomhouse.com/audio/blog//2012/03/27/imperfect-written-by-jim-abbott-and-tim-brown-read-by-jim-abbott/

offers more sandusky smut-
http://www.smerconish.com/2012/04/fight-on-state/

and, pisses off the facebook snarks ('scuse you?)-

Kyran: Yawn.

Dan: Mike's stance on politics is "I fell in love with Obama in 2008 and have stuck my foot too far into my mouth to pull it out with any credibility remaining". Not exactly admirable stuff...

Ed: It's sickening to watch them let "Reverend" Al run that network in between rabble rousing. Oh and Smerconish is still a giant phony. That was quite a feat he pulled for 8 years; posing as a conservative guy, having friendly on air chats with Santorum, visiting the troops overseas, having Rumsfeld on for interviews, always a good word for George W. Bravo sir! Shakespeare himself would have been taken in by your performance!
April 3 at 5:47pm ·

 
ed is very dissatisfied with your behavior. daily. hourly.
and let me finish this morning with this-
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036697/#46945703

smerc, you need to stop this and stop it now!
asking "why is mitt romney avoiding the religion issue?" is like asking,
"why should a pedophile stay away from the playground?".
romney hopes his participation in his faith will earn him a monarchy on a planet in galaxy far, far away- restaurant at the end of the universe far. do you seriously believe romney is going to entertain this discussion, much less broach it for josephsmithsakes?
stop it.
and that is all. goodbye.
cmk

p.s. what in sam's hell is around mr. lucy's neck? is it a little lunch box? omg! you don't zap mr. lucy with electricity, do you? oh, smerc. first seamus, and now this. you are so fucked with peta. they'll be watching out for a jag-u-are (not jag wire) with a puppy crate on it's roof.

Friday, April 6, 2012

bully released with pg-13 rating


congratulations and thank you, katy butler!
no more excuses! take your child to see this pg-13 rated film, please!
All of you were instrumental in getting our PG-13 rating, but we wanted to take a minute to say a special THANK YOU to Katy Butler for having the courage to start the petition that challenged the MPAA rating. Check out her video from the GLAAD awards and post a thank you in the comments!

www.youtube.com
http://glaad.org/mediawards - The GLAAD Media Awards recognize and honor media for their fair, accurate and inclusive representations of the lesbian, gay, bi...
· · · 18 minutes ago · ly

donny deutsch's nipples, msnbc, and the death penalty

a man, a girl, and a nipple

the nipple belongs to donny deutsch. initially, it was my intent to use his .com as a introduction, but his page opens with a one minute+ long movie about something worth cheering for, and i was afraid what was being cheered for would end up being donny 'the nipple' deutsch, wasting a full minute+ of perfectly good cheering.
i remember years and years, as in maybe a decade ago, i would briefly park my clicker on a local cable show, featuring deutsch interviewing various people of local interest. totally forget where, i'm thinkin' jersey or philly, it's unimportant. what is important is, watching donny then wasn't completely horrible.
watching donny on 'morning joe', is.
especially this morning, prompting me to compose a letter to 'the nipple'. here goes:
donny-
this morning you did look pretty darn dapper. i would even click "like" and give you a big ole faceybook thumbs-up if i could.
however!
stop sign! do not try for dapperer, because as joe said, you will rival mark mackinnon and mark is on the precipice of creepy dapper.
however, ignore all 'sock rules according to scarborough'.
sockless ankles look fine in sperry topsiders, keds, and birks.
hush puppies, not so much.
ok, next topic.
why oh why do you permit these people to just beat the living dignity right the eff out of you
every
time
you're
on
'morning joe'?
a decade ago, i woulda never imagined you a punching bag for the current gold medalist in eye rolling, mika b.
good gawd man, grow a sack and knock it off!
and wtf is wrong with wasps?
love,
cmk

p.s. and if this is some cutesy little good dresser/bad dresser banter for the sake of bantering, it isn't cutesy. it means, you will soon grow man boobs and start scheduling mani-pedis.


dear michael eric dyson (msnbc political analyst)-
please don't speak for what "white" people want to hear. i won't tell my friends what you wanna hear, deal?
thank you,
cmk
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/08/12/michael-eric-dyson-hire-by-msnbc-deepens-black-ire-over-al-sharpton-show.html

and let me finish, smerc.

dear smerc-
i believe the death sentence is no longer a viable option in a 2012 society. exactly as you stated, michael ross of connecticut, insisted all appeals on his behalf stop, and that he be put to death. he finally received a lethal injection after 17 years of judicial muddling, and only because ross refused to participate in any further appeal.
philadelphia's mumia-abu jamal case has been an appellate cluster-fuck, affording jamal a never-ending appeal circus, while maureen faulkner and her family are afforded another opportunity to be disrespected by a judiciary seated to protect her.
as a nation, we are a litigious society gone absolutely fucking mad. i support term limits for political offices.
i'm not certain i even like scotus sitting until they can't get up.
i definitely do not support the opportunity for anyone, death row or otherwise, the right to appeal to infinity and beyond.
there are limits on everything in life.
and i don't give a forefather's rats ass if it's scotus approved or not.
rules are made, rules are broken, rules are amended.
hope and change.
i support the proposal to eliminate the death penalty in connecticut after all sitting on it, have fulfilled their obligation to the state.
sincerely,
cmk
p.s.- wear more purple! it looks fanfuckingtastic on camera.



p.s.s.- and speaking of dead men not walking  -  manson, woah, you are lookin' beat the fuck up!






 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

new cmk page

vehicle of adventures

'a year of dangerous living' is an ode-to-me page chronicling the adventures that landed me here, and adventures yet to be had in 2012.
cmk2012 will continue to serve my smerc interests.
shotgun, anyone?


Wednesday, April 4, 2012

a year of dangerous living



mememe
 

last year i decided 2012 was to be my breakout year.
some may call it a "make-it or break-it' type thing, and those some are completely in err.
the notion of getting broken in the process never entered my mind.
i was committed to achieving my personal idea of success in the year of our whatever, 2012.
and that's that.
i made a promise to myself, that i will do absolutely everything within my power to create my future, letting not one opportunity to ensure success pass me by.
an aspect of my career goals involves public speaking, name recognition, and some schmoozing.
now, i consider timing to be everything. and when certain events occur at precisely the same moment in time, i consider that a message from the universe akin to being punched in the face with a wrecking ball.
i guess it is here i must be completely open about my proclivity to rely somewhat on astrology, to believe there is some thing out there that pays attention to stuff we do (good and bad), and a slightly elevated grasp of human nature.
the "or break-it") crowd might call this, weird.
fine. that makes complete sense to me.
you're either open to this or you are not, and if you aren't, that is cool, too.
you're probably going to hell anyway.
so timing, opportunity, and two free tickets to the michael smerconish bookclub all collided like an orchestrated car wreck on the schuylkill. i could win tickets, get publicity, name recognition, and meet my favorite bald person http://www.smerconish.com/ in one fell swoop! all i had to do was a 5 minute stand-up comedy audition, at a bar, in a casino, in front of drinking people and hookahs.
jesus h. chris christie!
i have difficulty speaking on the phone because my voice is a marriage of eddie vedder and marge simpson's cigarette-eating sisters. however, i made the damned promise to not allow anything that could propel me toward achieving my goal pass me by.
and i did it.
and i lost.
but i wasn't horrible, and i didn't faint, and there are some very important movers and shakers at wpht1210 that don't mind that i say the cunt word.
success!
you may think because i lost the comedy competition (to a rather fantastic local guy, chris smith, a cuspy pisces-aries typed ) i failed. but i laugh, hahaha, because one week after my comedy "fail", i received an email from an aforementioned mover and shaker, informing me of 2 comped tickets waiting for me at the scottish rites auditorium in collingswood, nj!
had i not decided to live this year unabashedly out of my box (oh stop it) i would never had stood on a stage pretending to talk funny, ending up with exactly what i had set my mind to on january 1, 2012 in the most roundabout way possible.
'roundabout' also being an excellent yessong.
and bonus! i met an awesome guy, a local dj, whom i remain in contact with to this very day.
chris smith http://comedianchrissmith.com/about-comedian-chris-smith.html
and i stay in touch through gmail.
a total win win and then some.
from there, i decided to join a group.
i do not have a great deal of success in groups, and i totally understand i am partially responsible.
i admit it- i'm a group snob.
my clique-ability was made very obvious by jerri simmons, a neighbor of mine and 3rd grade class mate. and as cliques go, a third grade clique is like making it to first base. not a huge accomplishment. however, just as i was entering middle school, who shows up at camp lejeune north carolina?
yes!. her. jerri.
and i'm fucked again by my 3rd grader past; a past i was hoping to put behind me as if i was in a dod witness protection program for wayward girls.
i shake off thoughts of rejections past and cannonball into the meetup pool. with an expected amount of tech communication difficulty on my part, i secured a spot in a writer's "meetup" in downtown philadelphia.
i have discovered i can only drive into the city on wednesdays and park for free. i have another proclivity for parking violations, but seriously, in philly everyone with a car has the same proclivity.
i made certain to board a non-quiet car so as not to disturbed my fellow non- quiet passengers on a quiet car with my ipod, again. nothing like a 51 year old woman getting called out by the train conductor for owning ineffective ear buds, spilling bittersweet symphony onto a speeding septa train.
i got off at suburban and made my way to the meetup - in a highrise, even! movin' on up.
i was right on time, and the meetup commenced.
i was completely ill-prepared in that i brought my laptop rather than printed out copies of my work, and i totally missed the part that said, "we charge for this". all on me; unless i am researching, recommending, or quoting, i notoriously peruse stuff, get the gist, and move on.
i will try and commit to improving this, too.
i also immediately noticed, i was probably the only one in the room who would use the word vaginarific! to describe barrack obama's catholic church/birth control/insurance debate.
i also discovered without a doubt,i am an editors worst freaking nightmare.
we went round the table reading each meetup member's work. we offered up thoughts on what we liked about the piece, then what we disliked, culminating with the uncapping of a heavenly scented, hallucinogen-inducing sharpie marker. a red one!
i am kinda glad huffing was not "in" when i was young.
it was at this moment i knew i was not going to be a good fit for the group. i am horrific with grammar, and punctuation. my long term memory is as efficient as my ovaries have been ever since, well, neverthehellyoumind; there was no way i could or would fit improving my grammar into a "2012 is my year" plan.
still, i really enjoyed being around writers, and thinkers, and i had a pretty fantastic time hanging out with a bunch of people i had no clue even existed one hour earlier.
the sharing came full circle and it was my turn to share my work. i described an essay or two i'd written, described my blogging, and ended with the ultimate writer's sin. i actually said,
"i can't write like everyone else. i cannot pay attention to grammar because i write exactly as i speak (and i mean pretty much exactly) and it is crucial to me personally, that people hear my voice first."
i saw the mika brzenzski style eyeballs roll. i did. rollin' like a river they were!
every newbie writer says this shit.
E V E R Y   O N E. 
then the they say, "no. i really mean it. i'm the one that will break the strunk and white glass ceiling that holds we, the grammar-challenged creators of stories, down!"
i won't say that.
but i will prove it.
anyway, to wrap up my evening i was pretty much voted off meetup island.
i was indeed not a good fit.
but i am totally cool with that because they're right. i would never be able to say cunt in front of any of these people, ever. so this ends well, and as it should.
it was also wonderful because it was one more thing that i have done all by my big girl self, to secure a life i have previously only dreamed of.
one cannot sit back letting life happen all around you, and ask yourself, "why does my life suck so much?"
the answer is simple: "what are you doing about it to make it not suck?"
i am going to look for a free meetup group. maybe a group of writers who really like lewis black, have similar whack minds, and talk with their hands like chimps on crack.
i'm lookin' for that group next!

cmk






Tuesday, April 3, 2012

dear frank bruni- i don't want your penis



girls, i'd be doing the same shit if i'd had the facebook

when frank bruni's latest new york times article 'the bleaker sex', http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/01/opinion/sunday/bruni-the-bleaker-sex.html was brought to my attention by morning joe early this am, i googlemarked bruni's article for a serious read later, but took a moment to peruse the first couple of paragraphs just to get the gist.

not a good idea if you are one trying to not judge. cuz i totally did.
i disliked the characters; i disliked whomever wrote such characters, and then i went to my chiropractor and forgot all about it til now.

so i read the entire article, and while i still have a bad taste in my mouth about the mini-carries, i absolutely adore the writer/director/actress, 25 year old lena dunham. she has got her status update shit together and knows her audience.
and i will recommit to my pursuit to not judge.

cath, you're okay; just try! love, dali

straight up, i never liked 'sex and the city'. i was a stay-at-home mom that spent most of my day in the clothes i slept in the night before and wiping ass. i couldn't relate in any way whatsoever.
'sex and the city: the tween years' has as much chance with my clicker as those k people that can't keep up with a damned thing.

so back to bruni's 'bleaker sex'.
i looked up bleak because i was pretty certain there was nothing complimentary about it. and i was correct. not for nothin' but there's not one nice damned thing about it.
bleak is nothing but awful. and bleak.
look, i would feel bleak too if i watched young people i would inevitably equate with my own 20-something brood having mostly horrible sex. and ever since 'american pie' i wear earmuffs for young people having sex stuff.

but if, frank bruni, your column insinuates, "the zeitgeist-y, early-20s heroines of “Girls” engaging in, recoiling from, mulling and mourning sex..." makes girls bleak, what about the boys?


let's have a look:

a. boys engage in sex.
b. boys recoil almost immediately after sex, if not when they wake up.
c. girls mull because girls are thoughtful; boys brag because boys are braggarts.
d. girls mourn because "he didn't post a status update!" the next day, guys mourn because girls want them to.
girls are no more nor less bleak than boys have always been.
so there!
five sluts

next, from bruni's article:

"Are young women who think that they should be more like men willing themselves into a casual attitude toward sex that’s an awkward emotional fit? Two movies released last year, “No Strings Attached” and “Friends With Benefits,” held that position, and Dunham subscribes to it as well. "

yes frank, it is an awkward fit and it doesn't work. both movies end with friend-sex turning into happily-ever-after-sex when both girl and boy fall in friend-sex-love. and while i have no personal experience, i have heard one bajillion times, "friends can't have sex and stay just friends" from a couple of friends that would know.

dunham
of 'girls' sums this up best -“There’s a biological reason why women feel about sex the way they do and men feel about sex
the way they do. It’s not as simple as divesting yourself of your gender roles.”
 the biological reason


in 2012, girls are still sluts.
in 2012, boys still aren't.
what we are witnessing, is an earnest effort by girls to achieve the same sexual autonomy boys have always enjoyed.
girls wanna know the secret. if anyone knows the secret, please give it up.
every day i see girls emulating boys feigning sexual bravado by way of "oops i dropped this! lemme bend over and get it" boob shots and booty call status updates.
on the flip side, boys in public restaurants using their cell phones like grandma's photo album flipping through pics, taking "we were here at this place together" photos, and constantly checking to see who might have called.

boys like dirt, forts, and spiders; not status updates


girls want control. i believe they would like to control the urge to pull their hair out whenever a guy doesn't call. or text, or update his status. i believe girls would like to have casual, random sex if they choose to and not be held to any higher standard than a guy. social networking gives the appearance this is all about sex. i'm not a fan of tit shots, especially when i knew you when you were a brownie, but i get it.
i am going to watch 'girls', http://www.hbo.com/girls/about/index.html only because i'm so impressed with  lena dunham.
but bruni, bleak? pffft.
girls are sugar and spice and everything nice and there's not one bleak thing about that!
and young ladies, you do not take ownership of yourself when you share yourself with the world wide web.
be strong, be smart, be have. but especially, don't be boys.
love love.

update: bruni appeared this morning on msnbc's morning joe, amongst a round table that included 4 other men and mika b.- joes' valuable, eye rolling, professional op-ed reading female version of a sidekick. bruni regurgitated his times piece, which regurgitates some father goose fairy tale that what women really want is to grow a great big, old dick and be rid of men altogether.
maybe if you're author, maureen dowd, of 'are men really necessary?', a life without men works.
as a woman who would never think to ask that question a life without men would be sad.
they look good in baseball pants; kevin costner in, 'tin cup'; willing to work 80 freaking hours a week; have the penis; they father our daughters, and if you're lucky, give you good company as you make your way to dying.
i rather like them in general, and a few of them in particular, but i would never, ever wanna BE one of them.
nothing much was added to bruni's misconception that girls just wanna have fun and be boys. and mika sat on her hands the entire time because i am pretty sure she isn't getting any.

wouldn't touch that
cmk













Saturday, March 31, 2012

lewis black lives in philly in buzz bissinger's house

cmk' saturday wrap up
march 31, 2012


we're here. where's smerconish?
since turning 50, smerc has been wpht-mia a lot. normally, i would be bummed about this; however, not this time.
i found out what buzz bissinger is all about and he is so much more than lights and friday nights! just as i was totally floored by bernie parent when i had the great fortune to attend smerc's book club, http://www.smerconish.com , held last month in collingswood, nj - thank you patty pat!
that evening, bernie parent was one of smerc's featured authors, and i admit it - my first thought was, "ugh. hockey." and, it is here and now i must fess up just how wrong i was. and now i want to be bernie's bff.
bernie parent is optimistic and positive and all about balance; very zen. if the dali lama were a tall, hockey-playing cannuck he would be bernie parent.
go flyers!
tell me this buzztweet isn't so lewis black?
well, imagine my surprise when i discovered buzz bissenger was more than pigskin! and the fact that most every other smerc listener hated him made him all the more appealing to contrarian moi!
buzz's sardonic, dry style is very lewis blackish and he pulls no
punches. i might have a  ladycrush on buzz, i'm not sure. friday afternoon, i messaged his fb account with the following:
  • i think it's sorta creepy when fb sends me a message that some total stranger thinks i'm friend material. so, i'm introducing myself before fb sends you that creepy message from me.
    i'm catherine. i'm the one smerc fan that likes your show. you're like lewis black, whose delivery is better than crack.
    anyway, i'm not a football person so i basically ignored the whole 'friday night lights' thing. sorry. you'd ever know i had marshall texas blood in my veins. however, i am now your fan and now we can be friends. but i will never like football.
    it's a win win. peace-
    catherine m.k.


    i patiently waited and sent buzz a friend request after i had given fair and ample warning i was doing so, and having heard no objections after a reasonable amount of time (and not to look anxious or nothin') sent the "omg, i'm pathetic please be my friend" friend request.
    you'll always be my favorite
    saturday, 31 march 2012 - 11:30 am and i have yet to hear back from buzz. but i am like my new hero, bernie parent and i am very, very patient. i will really, really try to not judge sports people any longer. i will.
    i will try.

    and nobody's perfect, let's not forget that when i'm really trying.

    in a nutshell, this week smercsucked due to michael's absence.
    'cept for buzz.
    buzz was freakin' awesome. 


    i think i could wanna go to there

    cmk

    ps- jesus, even he's balding! i bet he's a flippin' pisces, too.

    this also gives me fair warning eddie vedder may indeed be bald some day. fair warning to you too, edved. i am usually right about these things. just sayin'.